Wonka's Paradise City
by ASBusinessMagnet
Summary: Because you have not experienced Charlie and the Chocolate Factory until you have read it as the original trollfic.
1. Chapter 1

**Wonker's Paradice Sity**  
By: BFGgiantpeach1916BFG  
Charlie Bucket has to go on an adventure to win the love of Willy Wonker an get a GOLDEN TICKET an to prove those falmer trollz whos the boss here.  
Rated: Fiction T - English - Adventure/Romance - [Charlie Bucket, Willy Wonka] Grandpa Joe Bucket - Chapters: 30 - Words: 30,191 - Reviews: 1,844 - Favs: 229 - Follows: 291 - Updated: Aug 12, 1963 - Published: May 31, 1960 - Status: Complete - RD/2/7/0

* * *

_AN hello everone its me ROALD DAHL w/ my first story im so exited to start! Speshal thanks to ma gf Patrisha (MatildaPiker26) fo editin an this goes 2 our son Theo sinse hes accidentelly gotten in a car accident an Im doin everthin to keep him alife._

_At any rate heres ma story please rate an revue! Criticism is much appreshated bu FLAMEN will not be welcomed!_

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Charlie Bucket who is the son of Mr. Bucket (son of Grandpa Joe and Grandma Josephine) and Mrs. Bucket (daughter of Grandpa George and Grandma Georgina) was living in a very poor family in a single bed because they were so poor that they had to live in two rooms and a single bed. The bed was for the four grandparents who were all so tired that they never ever EVER got out of the bed. And honestly this description doesn't do justice so I'll pass the mic onto him.

* * *

Hi my name is Charlie Bucket and as I introduced me I am poor and live in a poor family and how do you do and how do you do and how do you do again. When I got home from school I and my family cried for some time because our fortune is just that hilariously bad that we don't get anything except that bed. That is because my father is a worker at a toothpaste factory where he does nothing but screw on caps. You can imagine how low-level that is because Ronald Dahl has worked in World War II and was awesome and should be your roald (geddit) model. But my father was different and he wasn't anything like the awesome Ronald Dahl so he got minimum wage and as such our family was that poor.

So the only food that we ever eat is cabbage that's right mashed cabbage for breakfast cabbage steak for lunch and cabbage soup for supper (that's dinner for you all uneducated American fools). There is some luck on Sundays when we actually get meat steak rather than cabbage steak. but by far the luckiest day of my life is my birthday because that's when I get my craving of my life that I long for more than anything else that is... CHOCOLATE!

CHOCOLATE! which I'm going to shout the name of every single time is my only interest ever because why do you need anything else. I love CHOCOLATE! with the burning passion of a thousand suns and it is the only thing that I live for because it's not like our family situation is going to get any better. Worst of all that means I will never get away from this hell of a place. It is such a living hell because every moment of my life I am teased with the most terrible sight that a CHOCOLATE! craver can have if he is very poor that is... an ENORMOUS CHOCOLATE FACTORY!

And not just any CHOCOLATE FACTORY! but the one made by Willy Wonker himself who is the only CHOCOLATE genius ever and yes I just missed an exclamation mark there but I don't care since I adore Willy Wonker and whenever I get CHOCOLATE for him it is always the Willy Wonker brand. Willy Wonker's CHOCOLATE FACTORY is the largest in the world it is fifty times bigger than any other CHOCOLATE FACTORY (and also fifty shades grayer LOL). It had chimneys and glass windows and lettering saying W-O-N-K-E-R and a door and a gate but the door or the gate never opened defeating the whole point of a door and a gate being there. I always wanted to learn about the story of Wonker and his factory but figured I'd never have anyone who could tell me the story.

Of course I treasure my CHOCOLATE bar that I get for my birthday very much and don't eat it. I have invented a way to eat a CHOCOLATE bar for an entire year because I want to be an inventor like Willy Wonker is. The way is this: for the first month or two I treasure the bar as if it is something completely not to be eaten at any time ever (basically imagine gold but brown). Then I calculated that there's 14 of those plates and 300 days to eat it so I take just a nibble so I can get the taste and some of those nibbles a day make up a plate and 14 of those plates make a year and that is my awesome invention.

So today I went to school but not before saying Mr. Bucket and Mrs. Bucket and Grandpa Joe and Grandma Josephine and Grandpa George and Grandma Georgina goodbye and having my nibble of the day which was so magical that it automatically made me full and not hungry so I didn't have to eat anything. But then the most terrible thing of all happened. No it wasn't a falmer troll because I know how to deal with falmer trollz after they gave me a hard time for being such a worthless stain on the face of the Earth (lol did you hear Yuri Gagarin saw the earth but he didn't see God so God doesn't exist).

It was... I HAD TO PASS RIGHT THROUGH THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY TO GET TO SCHOOL! Of course the CHOCOLATE FACTORY was locked so I went around the gates but just the thought that inside that building there was more CHOCOLATE than I could ever dream of was enough to put me in a sad mood and not listen to any of the lessons that the teachers said today about chemistry or percentages or something. So home I returned sad and Grandpa Joe immediately knew why I was sad and decided to have his reveal.

"Charlie, I have something to tell you..." He began "I worked at Wonker's factory once!"

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_AN well heres the first chapter I know not much happens bu necks time well get EXPOSITONE bout Willy Wonker's CHOCOLATE FACTORY it is the most cool thing that you can think of stop trying. Anyway please leave revues and seeya necks time!_


	2. Chapter 2

_AN YOUR FAVORET AUTHOR ROALD DAHL IS BACK an whats everone saying about wonker and fifty shades of gray I defanetly DON'T mean anything naughty though I do ship Charlie and Willy but there's still going to be the whole deal with the CHOCOLATE FACTORY you know? So don't expect anything of that sort of stuff jus yet becouse I still need to write like twenty chapeters o this stuff. Anwyay thanks to Patrisha agane I lofe u with all ma heart and all ma son (still okay sorta and I've stoped prayin an startid inventin somethin to keep him alive) an here you go!_

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I o-mouthed the biggest I have ever in my nine (soon to be ten wink wink) years of my life. My grandparents are all ninety or something and it's understandable that they want to keep secrets from me but I definitely deserve to know if one of them was actually working at the paradise that is Willy Wonker's CHOCOLATE FACTORY and perhaps Joe has even met Mr. Wonker himself with his own two eyes so I immediately asked him.

"Yes of course" Grandpa Joe answered because contrary to what I believe the relationship between us is actually quite honest and it was just the fact that I was new to the world and still didn't know much about my grandparents or Willy Wonker or CHOCOLATE or anything else for that matter. I was still young and needed growing up but it's not like I would ever admit it. He however was going to tell me so hard and I was excited just for this sole reason.

Grandpa Joe is the oldest of my four grandparents but he also happens to be the most suave person ever and it's pretty much a miracle and therefore he is my favorite. Though given that everything that Wonker does and everything that I do around Wonker is also a miracle it shouldn't be surprising. Though he never gets out of his bed but I'm not a dirty-minded child so I don't wonder about that one thing. You know. But I don't since I am sweet and perfect in every way.

Anyway I figured this was an opportunity to get some clarity on the issues and thus I immediately asked Grandpa Joe "so is it true that Wonker's factory is the biggest in the world" and he and the other three answered "well why would he lie about such stuffs I mean he'd be losing a lot of respect and besides it was checked by the Guinness Book of World Records" and I remembered that I actually read about Wonker's factory being the biggest in the Guinness Book of World Records so I smacked myself over the head for being stupid and it was onto the next question.

I asked "exactly how clever Wonker is are we talking about here" and Grandpa Joe and the other three immediately smiled. "Wonker must have speshul powers or something because there is no way that one man can output so many amazing inventions LOL" and each of them had their fair share of words to say.

Grandpa George commented "he invented a chocolate ice cream that will never melt even if you leave it in open heat in the summer" and I asked "what if you throw it in the line of fire of a flamethrower or in the center of the sun" and he said "nope. Never melts until you lick it and it dissipates leaving behind a chocolate taste." I briefly imagined taking a CHOCOLATE ice cream out of the center of the sun and it was the best thought ever stop trying.

Grandma Josephine commented "he invented a chewing gum that never loses its flavor and which you can blow up so the bubble is building sized" and I asked "but can you float with it because I've always wanted to float around on a chewing gum bubble and she answered "of course you can but beware because you might fall down and... um... let's just say that's what happened to Cherry Beauregarde didn't you read it in the news?". Of course I hadn't read it in the news because I don't know how to read yet but I still got sad for whoever this girl was.

Grandma Georgina commented "he invented grapes that you put in your mouth and they become literal chocolate birds as if the grape was an egg. I love grapes" and I was like WTF since she didn't like grapes and I thought that old age was finally getting to her. _(EN: Ronald Dahl, this is Patricia. I added that line because I thought that I should make your characters a little bit... whimsical. Understood? Also, great job on Theo; at least his condition is stable. Oh, and while I'm here, check out my stories on my account MatildaPiker26!)_

While I was thinking Mr. Bucket and Mrs. Bucket came into the room also all interested. You see this was literally the first time that Grandpa Joe and the other three had ever told anything about the CHOCOLATE FACTORY and they were excited to hear stories as well. Though they held a minute of silence for Cherry Beauregarde before asking anything because they respected her and they had caught wind of the story before coming in.

Once the minute of silence was over they asked "didn't Wonker build a chocolate palace for an Indian prince once?" and Grandpa Joe thus remembered the best story of all. "Oh yeah it was Prince Pondevius just let me get his story straight." I asked "he must be really rich to buy a CHOCOLATE palace" and the others nodded even though they realized I said the stupidest thing ever.

Grandpa Joe thus cleared his throat and began the story about that guy.

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_AN so cool now I also wanna visit Wonker's CHOCOLATE FACTORY but I'm not spoilen anything for now! Wink wonk! (I jus thout of sayin wonk as a shoutout to Wonker you shold do it two)_


	3. Chapter 3

_AN whats everone sayin to Ronald my name is not ronald IT IS ROALD R-O-A-L-D there is no N so stop imagining that there is one. Anwyay thanks to Patrisha agane an heres the chapter about Pondiveas!_

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"Prince Pondevius wrote a letter to Mr. Wonker asking him to build a palace entirely out of chocolate because he had much gold but he hated gold and loved chocolate" Grandpa Joe said (if you remember from the last chapter Grandpa Joe was the one talking). I listened carefully since I love listening to new stories and that makes me so cool am I right? Children should read. And they especially should read what Ronald Dahl writes because he is so awesome take my word.

I then imagined a palace like one of those gold palaces that Indian princes have but instead made entirely out of CHOCOLATE. Grandpa Joe assisted me in imagining "all the walls and ceilings and floors and doors and trees outside in the garden (they have trees because Wonker invented a way for trees to grow in the desert) and carpets and paintings and armor stands and redstone and Nether portals and crafting tables and dispensers and pressure plates and bedrock was made entirely out of chocolate."

Grandma Josephine batted an eye at the strange material names that suddenly cropped up and Grandpa George and Grandma Lorraine didn't care because they are a couple and one of them isn't telling an awesome story. So I continued listening to him babble about stuff "Wonker warned him though that the palace is going to melt because it's not ice cream and Wonker can't invent chocolate that doesn't melt" and I immediately stopped him right then and there. "Wonker can invent anything right?" and Grandpa Joe had to correct himself "well he couldn't do it at the time since he didn't have the awesome points."

"But then Pondevius was like: well, what do you think a castle is for? Living. I am going to live here and no one is going to stop me! But then Wonker had left really soon since he had noticed that the sun was up and that the castle was now going to melt. The prince of course didn't realize anything until he sank in molten chocolate." I didn't want to listen to any of that dumb story because Pondevius seemed like a bad child and instead the grandparents decided to shock me with another thing. "Yeah you listened to the Indian prince enough" Grandma Josephine said and then chanted like in hell:

_NOBODY  
EVER  
GOES  
IN_

I was like "what? what comes in I don't get it" but she chose to instead say another chant:

_NOBODY  
EVER  
COMES  
OUT_

"No seriously explain me" I asked and Grandpa Joe was glad to say "The factory, of course!" I then immediately realized that the whole fuss was about the workers that were supposed to work in Wonker's factory like Grandpa Joe himself. I still didn't know why Grandpa Joe was kicked out but seriously the fact that literally no one but Wonker works in his factory was much more shocking. I was definitely going to pry out the truth but then someone said "alright it's like midnight you should be sleeping since you're supposed to go to school tomorrow" so I went to sleep.

While I was sleeping I was of course dreaming about the CHOCOLATE FACTORY. I imagined CHOCOLATE being factoried around and stuffed into boxes that come out of the factory already addressed and packaged as I had seen before since you know that I go to the CHOCOLATE FACTORY every day. But of course I still had the demonic chant in my mind and imagined that literally no one ever maintained the machinery and thus it began exploding burning the CHOCOLATE FACTORY and collapsing its many and numerous chimneys. More and more stuff kept burning and then a very large boom happened which just got bricks of the CHOCOLATE FACTORY everywhere and as a brick hit me I woke up.

The whole thing of tomorrow was going just as yesterday with me going through the CHOCOLATE FACTORY just to go to school but seriously since I heard that literally no one comes into that god forsaken place I attempted to go in myself. I went around the factory gates but around the gates and the building there was literally no one there and only the smell of CHOCOLATE was there. Of course since I had this distraction I realized that I don't need school anymore _(EN: I'm sorry, did Charlie just stop being a good child? Yes, he did. Ronald, you need to learn to make your characters interesting. This is a serious issue. We should discuss this on PM. - Patricia / MatildaPiker26) _but what I do need is food so I began eating snow.

Once I got enough snow (which I thought was CHOCOLATE because there was a CHOCOLATE smell around the factory so I didn't mess this hypothermia thing up so bad) I returned home and my parents wondered why I felt full. Of course I thought that I should tell them the truth since I am such a good child and they would hug me because family and stuff and I am so good that I may be going to heaven prematurely. But then I realized that I'm not as good as I thought since I somehow still manage to gather sins that I have to speak about at the church so I didn't tell the truth and instead ate the cabbage steak even though I didn't want cabbage steak and would probably explode if I ate too much but I didn't care since all I was for here was the story's sequel.

And there at the bedside table they began a new story for me to consume whole.

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_AN can you leaf ma story alone Patrisha cant u see that my fans cleerly lick whot they coll a Mary Sue more men Mary Sues are awesome I need moraf them in ma story haha. Stey tund!_


	4. Chapter 4

_AN whats everone sayin that Mary Sues are bad MARY SUES ARE AWESOME mary sues are lofe mary sues are live I want to love a Mary Sue but sadly Patrisha is a reel person but of course that still doesmt not make her a... sort of awesome editor. You kno. Here's next chappy!_

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Grandpa Joe thus began the story once again. He said "You see, Charlie, I did used to work in the factory. But then something happened while I was working... an employee hit me! At first I was offended but then I realized that he was actually reaching for one of the highly secret recipes that Wonker kept just so that he had a place to put his ideas on paper. I tried chasing him but he already had the recipe in his hand and was fleeing with the recipe.

I didn't think much of the incident until I was once walking to work in the chocolate factory and then I noticed that there were all these counterfeit shops. Fickelgruber was producing a chocolate ice cream that he literally threw to the sun (AN congrats our first astronaut John Glenn!) to prove that it doesn't melt. Then there was Prodnose's shop of the chewing gum that never lost its flavor. Then Slughorn came with a chewing gum bubble that you could blow up to the sky but somehow the recipes got mixed up so those bubbles didn't float all the way into space. It was really for the better but the whole spying idea was horrible and as I passed Wonker got all suspicious at me thinking I was a spy.

I continued walking towards the factory but then the factory gate closed behind me and that could only mean one thing... Wonker was shutting down his factory! He had gotten sick of everyone stealing his secrets so he decided to lock himself in and just live out the rest of his days in the closed factory knowing that he won't ever make a fortune with anything."

"But the factory didn't close for the rest of his life. It's open right now." I pointed out the immediate flaw in the 90-year-old's thinking (can you imagine it? He was literally born in the last century and probably fought in both world wars. I'll still admit that the second one was cooler because Ronald Dahl was in it and ultimately Hitler got defeated by Fegelein) and Grandpa Joe commented: "oh, yeah, I don't know how that happened. Sometimes miracles happen. And that's alright. But still, I didn't get a job and I was forced to live out the rest of my life in this bed not working for anyone and that is sad if you ask me."

"So, will anyone help me resolve the mystery?" I asked but Grandpa George got all skeptical. "Well, you can't. Because you won't. No one can. The factory gates are going to be locked up forever and anyone who dares say otherwise is a fool who I want to do nothing with." The women grandparents didn't have anything to add so it seemed like Grandpa George was the clear winner of the argument there. At this point I figured out that that was enough storytime for everyone and left to my room that I don't have because our family is so poor that the whole house is literally one huge room but I imagined walls enclosing me so that I could be alone.

While I was alone I drew stuff. I drew the CHOCOLATE FACTORY and the vision of my dream of how the chocolate and the bricks exploded. But then I looked at the CHOCOLATE FACTORY to get a reference and noticed tiny people walking around (it was dark and the factory was lit up and so I could see silhouettes). I notified my parents who then measured the tiny people's sizes and Mr. Bucket was like "no way these people are way too small to be real" and that was just one more mystery added to the long list of Wonker's mysteries. Mr. Bucket then left to the toothpaste factory because the employers of the toothpaste factory liked messing with Mr. Bucket's hours and making him work at ridiculous times like 1 AM to 2 AM or for 30 hours in a row. I supposed that I would never get these people just as no one else gets Wonker.

Thinking about toothpaste and how they are polar opposites since chocolate is candy and candy literally melts your teeth I began placing toothpaste caps that Mr. Bucket had accidentally thrown onto the floor in a rush to leave. Of course the only thing on my mind was the CHOCOLATE FACTORY so I built the few toothpaste caps that I had into the closest resemblance to the CHOCOLATE FACTORY that I could manage.

Mrs. Bucket looked at her watch and it was like "Mr. Bucket is supposed to work for a single minute this time what's taking him so long" and I shrugged but then Mr. Bucket came in with a newspaper. The mere fact that he had bought a newspaper was shocking to me because I thought that we are so poor that we can't even afford a newspaper and I immediately asked about that and Mr. Bucket admitted that he took a photo of the newspaper because photos are basically free.

That's when me and Mr. Bucket and Mrs. Bucket and Grandpa Joe and the other three grandparents noticed the headline of the newspaper:

WONKER'S FACTORY TO OPEN AT LAST TO THE LUCKY TEN

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_AN alright Ive ben thinkin about how many kids is goin to visit the factory an I think Ive got it! Its definitely ten. It's a nice one digit number and that should be the suffishent number of children to visit the factory and Im sure I wont change ma mind bout it. Thanks to Patrisha agen fo the PM clarefication an Im gonna leave so that u can wait to enjoy mor of Wonkers Paradice Sity!_


	5. Chapter 5

_AN Im gonna need profiles fo ma kids so send suggesshuns an mabe Ill use sume! Onse again Patrisha is a cool gurl an this is da nexc chapter!_

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I tried making out more of the photo but it turned out that Mr. Bucket was shaking his hands while he took it and therefore the photo came out blurry. Nevertheless since it was Wonker we knew that he would have the announcement about it up everywhere so we thought about going outside but it was still cold and dark because it's winter remember. Then of course Mr. Bucket was called for another random shift and went out while Mrs. Bucket set up the whole thing of going to sleep and shut off the lights.

I tried going to sleep but I was simply too excited about the whole idea of ACTUALLY BEING ABLE TO VISIT THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY and therefore I was definitely going out to get the announcement. Making sure that the lights were still off I made it into my decades-old winter clothes (Mr. Bucket had them while he was a child) and snuck out. Of course since winter nights are super cold compared to winter days I still was a little chilly but then I got used to it.

I went out of the house to a lightpole where Mr. Wonker's brand name and logo were there so I knew that this was the announcement. I took one of those lamps that are on the streets and light them up but since no one was driving during the night and I needed a light to read the announcement this was okay. Thus with the light in my hands I began reading the announcement:

_I, Willy Wonker of the world-famous Wonker Chocolates, have decided to allow ten children - I remind you, Ronald Dahl has thought of this number for a long time and it is definitely ten, no more, no less - to visit my chocolate factory sometime this year or maybe the next one I won't tell. These lucky ten will be shown the whole process of chocolate being factoried and how my amazing inventions work. It will be a really honest moment of truth between me and the ten so I immediately ask you that you do not send spies to get in the factory. I'm serious. I will be checking._

_Then, at the end of the tour, as a special Christmas present (I know it's January but still), I will give each of the ten children a lifetime free supply of Wonker Chocolates. I will be sure that enough candies will be factoried even for the fattest children for the rest of their lives. Though you see this is a bit of a catch since fat children live less and I have no way of estimating how much candies I'll need to factory but I promise I will get it sorted out before the tour and will supply you if you make it after the tour._

_How do you get in? The Golden Tickets. These are literally pieces of golden paper which are hidden in ordinary wrapping paper of ten ordinary Wonker bars so don't even think about buying Slughorn chocolates because my all-seeing eye watches you. Since my operations are international I have no idea where the Golden Tickets are so neither should you. I mean, they could literally be anywhere. Be prepared to look for them in the middle of a desert town for all I know._

_Oh, and one of the ten children will receive something superspecial that I shouldn't have even mentioned but it's there and it's even more awesome than unlimited candy. (EN: It's a little secret between me and Ronald. However, things have gotten quite rough between us and there is always the chance that if Ronald misbehaves, I will reveal the secret, spoiling the story. _Hopefully_ this won't happen. Just stay tuned. - Patricia / MatildaPiker26)_

_So, good luck searching. I am not responsible for the havoc that will ensue, but just know that it's my candies that people are seeking for. Willy Wonker's candies, best in the world._

_Signed,_

_Willy Wonker_

This was shocking news since now I knew that not only I will want to get the GOLDEN TICKET to visit the CHOCOLATE FACTORY, but everyone else will as well. I snuck back into my house and fell asleep and of course slept just the right time to be rushing for school the morning afterwards. Thus I rushed but made sure to tell my parents and grandparents everything just in the morning before school actually progressed so that they would know and we could discuss this after school.

Once I returned (I also stopped in the way just to place the lamppost light back to its original place so the police wouldn't get suspicious) everyone was there hustling and bustling about the news. Grandpa Joe liked the idea of finally being able to return to the CHOCOLATE FACTORY but then we remembered that with the poor that we have we couldn't buy candy.

"But it's your birthday next week" Mrs. Bucket reminded me and I got excited once again since I could win a GOLDEN TICKET after all but then I remembered stuff about maths (all the maths, American fools. All of them.) and my hopes were suddenly shot down and Grandpa George commented.

"Yeah, there is no way that Charlie Bucket is ever going to win a Golden Ticket for the chocolate factory. You see, there will be a lot of people who could afford to buy candy bars all day long and buy them in the hundreds and it's simply more likely that the ticket will be in one of those candy bars. Sorry to shoot hopes down, but that's just the way probabilities work."

* * *

_AN as I sed send in charactors an mabe Ill take it for u or maybe Ill make yur char into some sorta camo even if you dont get into the factury yurself! Thanks Patrisha agen an to be continued!_


	6. Chapter 6

_AN ps Patrisha was out aktin so she coldnt edit this chapper bu hopefeley its still ok an reedable. Also thenks for da suggeshuns an heers the first two winners (seven spots available!)._

* * *

The nexcs day we learned that there was a whole GOLDEN TICKET winnor name Harold Slikk an da evenin photo carred a picur of him. Fat was comin out of his every hole an his fase was fat an his words was fat an his eyes was fat an his body was so much fat that he weighed like thirty stone. There wos a cover picture of him an the town whear he wos found was bustlen wif exitement an scool was abolished an people threw partees an da flag for this nashunal hero.

'I jus new Harold wold find ze Golden Ticket' his mom commeted sins he was still to busy eatin a Wonker chocolete 'sins he eets so meny kandy bars a day that he eats 1 fifth o Wonkas all supply an from there is just maths figuren out that hes ENTITLED to 1 Golden Ticket. Also he lofes eatin other thins so he isn't pur chocolete so heres dat.' She smilef for a pikshure an thats how the pikshure kame to be on front of the paper. There wos also a rekont from Harold himself bu it was kut out of the photo (this wos Mr. Buckets second photo so it wos better). It wos prolobly gonno be something bout how CHOCOLATE tasts relay good so I didnt even ask Mr. Bucket to take a second photo.

"that is a horrifying women iff she imagins that her kid is chocolete" Grandma Josephine said.

"seriously how much fat is that" Grandma Georgina said. (ps to Patrisha: idk who Lorraine is bu she has no plase in ma story AN ALSO ma charaters are how I wanna make dem be so u have abselutly NO SAY in dat)

"only nein GOLDEN TICKETS around" I said sins I dont fale maths classes horribly like sume kids in my scool or those whoo went w/ Roald Dahl.

"i wonder wholl get those" Grandpa George said and with him the whole country and the whole world.

Therefore ever since each days evenin bulletin carried stranger an stranger news. Some Englosh scintist (all scintists are Englosch lick Isaac Newtone) had invented a devoce that cold tell if there wos gold in a thing or not an it was sopposed to searsh for GOLDEN TICKETS bu it stole a golden tooth an the scintist was accosed o theft an jaled an da machine was sezed bi Wonker hoo jus had to tell dat no, dere was no GOLDEN TICKETS in his CHOCOLATE FACTORY. I smelled cos all of them wos gonna be fond an red on.

In odder news people bouthg candy stores jus to get all da Wonker sales an threw everthin else to da fire and there wos massive candy fires everwhere an pplz chocked on CHOCOLATE an I woldve gladly taken dad sins basically candy odder than Wonkers is worfless bu no no nones ever gonno give me dat. There was also a riport dat someone faked a GOLDEN TICKET an was throwen into da fire of worfless candies sins she wos hatted so much. Dat dey I went off schole so I cold see at lest on CHOCOLATE fire bu no Wonker had tacken all o dem insed an referbeshin CHOCOLATE so it wold be factoried propoly an more of awsom Wonker brand of CHOCOLATE cold be made.

An finally on da fateful day before ma birdthay there wos report of an ACTUAL GOLDEN TICKET AN NOTA FAKE bi a gurl named Matilda Piker (love u Patrisha!) an she had the most beutiful curly hare and she wos te richest kid in the gand sins she had a very rich parents. Dere wos a detaled story (Mr. Bucket had relay gotten god at takin newpaper fotos) that wen somethin very like this. Miss Pikers dad was a rich CEO of a company that had something to do with salts or nuts an a lottof women worked fo him.

So de story started wen Miss Piker wondet a GOLDEN TICKET an since her parents gafe her everthin that she wandet he stoped de nuts and salts an told his wokers to unrap Wonker bars to search fo GOLDEN TICKETS insted. De business wos goen bankrupt an the wokers wandet to just leave bu Mr Piker made them cos his dotter wontend an when she screemed they emedeately listened and went on searchin ever sinc Harold got a ticket cos Matilda wondat to be first bu dident get to be one.

An finally on da fateful day before ma birdthay sommon unrapped a Wonker bar an fond a GOLDEN TICKET bu it wos stolen fro her an given to Matilda. She wos happe bu only breafly cos she wanted another aminal an I alweys wondet an animal bu we cant rase seven humons let lone a dog. So I fugued dat shes only a spoled brat jus lick Harold an we serously thot the tours gonna be a big flop cos everone was gonno be a spoled brat bu dere wos alweys a chance that I wold get de GOLDEN TICKET an thus I smiled an went to bed.

But before I swished of da light an ma mind I cold still here da discusheon an it went somethin like this

"Seriously if Matilda wos our child she woldent be such a spoled brat an we need to tack her in" Mr. Bucket said.

"Woah wash your words he mite actshelly fall in lofe wid her an then what well do" Mrs. Bucket said.

"some love is still better dan no love" Grandma Josephine said.

"fugd (ps I neva curse so jus imagin its a curse) u were not hookin dem up an in case Charlie does get a Golden Ticket u must make it so dey NOT hook up." Grandma Georgina said.

(ps to Patrisha: u see Charlie is ma fantasies an Matilda is ur fantasies so deyre gonno hook up bu others don want thad sins dey thing dat our caraters are Mary Sues so its a take dat)

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_AN I promose Patrisha will be back to edet da nexts chapters an until den keep waiten!_


	7. Chapter 7

_EN: I hope this sudden switch of words is okay with you, but what the _**(AN: NO its defenetely NOT okey)**_ did you just do with my story? I never granted you permission to feature me. I am so close to just plain sabotaging you. - Patricia / MatildaPiker26_

_AN: to "Loreta Asanavičiūtė" are u tryin 2 submit a OC Im sorry I cant quite read ur words I kinna wish Google had invented a translator so it wold be barrerless and everone cold sumit an OC I asked fo translators an maybe they cen help. Onse again Patrishas our editor an Im Roald Dahl an dis is a chapter!_

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"Happy birthday!" all the parents and grandparents such as Grandpa Joe and Grandma Josephine and Grandpa George and Grandma Lorraine _(EN: This here is just a subtle reminder that you should not _**(CENSURED)**_ with me. - Patricia / MatildaPiker26)_ said as I came. It was my birthday and I was very happy because I would get to celebrate even though there was going to be no birthday cake or presents other than that one CHOCOLATE bar because we're poor and you know that but it's okay since I was still happy that they sang for me.

I unwrapped the present wrapper and of course as I correctly guessed this was a Wonker CHOCOLATE bar that read WONKER'S WHIPPLE-SCRUMPTIOUS FUDGEMALLOW DELIGHT which is my favorite Wonker CHOCOLATE flavor in case I didn't mention it yet and my parents always buy me that particular flavor and nothing else even though all the other Wonker flavors are brilliant. The old people looked at me and I was almost as excited as France Gall was when she won the Eurovision Song Contest.

Mr. Bucket and Mrs. Bucket finally had the courage to give me a consolation. "You know we discussed the odds and you shouldn't get too sad if you don't find... y'know..." Mrs. Bucket said and Mr. Bucket nodded while taking pictures of random things in our household so he gets better at taking pictures so that he could show me who the other seven winning children were. I looked at the CHOCOLATE bar not daring to unwrap it because it was a Schrödinger's experiment or something.

"yeah and out of those seven you are extremely unlikely to be one" Grandma Josephine said and I thought that there were eight tickets left but adults knew better and I had to admit to that. Grandma Lorraine finally concluded "after all, you still have the chocolate" and my mouth began wetting at the idea of CHOCOLATE and perhaps getting to a CHOCOLATE FACTORY would have been even better but yeah I had to deal with what I had to deal with and that thing was the CHOCOLATE bar in front of me waiting to be opened.

I then remembered that WONKER'S WHIPPLE-SCRUMPTIOUS FUDGEMALLOW DELIGHT was my favorite Wonker CHOCOLATE flavor and just couldn't deal with the pressure. I tried unwrapping the bar but still felt an invisible hand hold me and that invisible hand was anxiety. Everyone was caught up in the anxiety and I knew that the GOLDEN TICKET might still be there so I couldn't wait to unwrap but I also couldn't just up and do it.

"Open it" all the four grandparents; once again, they are Grandpa Joe, Grandma Josephine, Grandpa George and Grandma Lorraine - said to me and I said "okay okay" and began unwrapping the stuff to get over with it. Of course the invisible hand of anxiety was still there and therefore I unwrapped the bar and everyone looked at me and Mr. Bucket was holding a camera just to get a picture. At one point though, my hand slipped and Mr. Bucket's camera flashed and I was blinded so the whole wrapping slipped and when my sight came back I saw that... MY TICKET WASN'T THERE!

Yup, wasn't there. There was just a CHOCOLATE bar and some wrapping. I was pretty much already late for school because school is happening all eight days of the week so everyone demanded that I go to school but I decided to do one last thing. I gave everyone one piece of the chocolate and everyone just stuffed it into my mouth. Since I couldn't speak now I was pretty much demanded to go to school so I did and I swallowed the whole chocolate whole and my parents and grandparents just kept discussing.

"Well, finally we got over the thing and won't definitely find a Golden Ticket anytime soon" Mr. Bucket got all sad and decided to take a lot of pictures just to help his melancholy. All of them came out as wonderful as ever but then Mr. Bucket realized that he could place them the not-picture side up and use them as wallpapers because they're free we established a couple of chapters ago.

Mrs. Bucket responded "at least Charlie's running to school because he could have been late just like all those shows". Of course electricity got cut off from our house maybe a year ago because we couldn't pay for it but Mrs. Bucket still had a bright vision that was called "television" and they thought that it was the best thing that man had ever invented.

Grandpa Joe though since he was the worker of Wonker's factory decided to just not give up ever. "I will find a ticket even if it means that all my bones will have to break and we will run into those debts. I mean, have you heard of those American fools just not being able to handle money? The dollar is pretty much a magnet of problems."

"That much is right." Grandpa George thought but didn't say but everyone just knew what he meant because these grandparents were friends from childhood and some seventy or eighty years was plenty of time to know a person and go through all their loopholes and whatnots.

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_AN: woa that wos a rollercoster of emoshuns but everthins okay an I promes dat thins w/ Patrisha will be sorted out an everthin will be okay! See u next times!_


	8. Chapter 8

_EN: I've thought long and hard about Ronald Dahl's final punishment, and I've decided upon this: I don't want you to send in characters anymore. We'll somehow have to do with the four that we got, which means there are five Golden Tickets, as opposed to ten or nine as you might believe from earlier chapters. I'm still ironing out the details for this thing. - Patricia / MatildaPiker26_

_AN: so Miss Asannavichutes massage wos Finalle translatid so I can inclode her charater an i got another on so its two in one for da price of zero (whateva currency ur operatin in)! Thanks... to Patrisha... for editing. READ!_

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That after-sunset Mr. Bucket had brought another photo of the Weekly Bulletin and it turned out that two more GOLDEN TICKETS to the CHOCOLATE FACTORY have been found and there is only one left. Since those people were highly public that meant that everyone had to read it and some of us needed glasses but couldn't afford it because you guessed it. We're poor and therefore there wasn't much space for me to look at but I read what I could read.

As it turned out the third ticket winner was called Susanne Roberts (AN: love u Miss A! an Im not gonno spell ur name a secund time) and she had that derp face that a schoolkid has when they're spacing out and asked to answer a fractions problem. This was never a problem for me of course since I kept all my thoughts about the CHOCOLATE FACTORY inside this house and maybe the CHOCOLATE FACTORY itself but Willy Wonker would never let them inside. She also had something in her mouth and from reading the article I realized that it was chewing gum.

She would chew gum all the time and the interviewers were unable to concentrate and therefore the article was full of typos so it was kind of hard to read but nevertheless I read through since I wasn't one to fail to read a newspaper. She also waved her ticket on a chair and got everyone's attention since she was a big attention seeker or so the translator tells me. In fact Susanne was so addicted to her gum that she managed to chew the same piece of gum for three months solid and that is a record and she is a champion.

Did she mention that there are championships of chewing gum? Because there are. And in fact in the last one Susanne came first just before a friend named Cornelia Prinzmetel. Cornelia was forever mad at Susanne so they stopped being friends and therefore I realized that being a winner is kind of depressing since you're there with no one but when you're in the middle a lot of other people are in the middle and therefore you are happy being among friends.

As she told everyone about how she got into candy bars just randomly I decided to skip it and just get onto the next winner and compare them as sort of analysis since that was what I needed for school. That's right; the GOLDEN TICKET fever has even gotten to school and therefore our homework is about Wonker CHOCOLATE bars and we read these newspapers to improve our vocabulary so everything is going to work out in the end.

The fourth out of five GOLDEN TICKET winner was named Greg Universe and the reporters found him next to an audio machine since video hadn't been invented yet (or WAS IT?) playing music all the time. He had messy hair since he had no time to get his hair right since he was so much into his audio all the time and I thought that video killed the audio star.

He couldn't even answer questions from reporters for quite some time because now he was watching gangsters from the Old West and shooting music as if he was shooting a gun. He even had several toy pistols to help the impression and one of the reporters fainted because she thought it was a real gun. With the shooting and the music it almost seemed like he was becoming a big thing.

Then he picked up the GOLDEN TICKET and remembered that he has to give an interview. He thus put away everything and said simply: "I don't really care about chocolate. Chocolate is for morons who cannot enjoy life without food, such as that fat kid that I read about once. I heard he also got a Golden Ticket? Help me?"

"Harold Slikk." One of the reporters hinted because as reporters they already knew everything about the GOLDEN TICKETS.

"Yeah, Harold. Baby, Harold and the others have no idea what is going on in the factory" Greg said and I became so mad with all the four winners that I dropped the newspaper and instead stared at a wall. For a while I thought that the fifth ticket was also going to be found by some loser and therefore Wonker's tour will be a huge blowout, and I sighed visibly.

"Not if I can help it." Grandpa Joe said and told me to come to him so that he could relay some sort of secret. Mr. Bucket picked up the newspaper that he dropped but then some sounds came out of the camera. It was the actual music that Greg wrote! It sounded like dubstep combined with nightcore or whatever kids hate these days and I thought that even other kids hate Greg and it was most likely true.

But then again, there was the neverending GOLDEN TICKET dream and for all I knew, the kids were national heroes. Harold was, for one. Matilda I'm not sure about, but her parents are rich and could blow this out of proportion. Susanne would also blow her gum out of proportion, trapping anyone who disagrees with her, and Greg... well, I still didn't think that much of Greg, but yeah. At this rate, the fifth winner will also be a jerk, and no, I am not a jerk so I don't stand a chance.

* * *

_AN o Patrisha les jus say thats youre dessin and be done with it. Anywey, les waite for more!_

_EN: Allow me to reiterate, just so it's perfectly clear: no more character submissions. We've had enough. Oh, and about the fifth ticket: it's so obvious, since there were references to it in Chapter 6, shipping Charlie and Matilda (I still don't approve of her being in the story, but you know what, I will do anything for Dahl), so yeah. I'll let you draw conclusions yourself, and those conclusions will not be your original character. - Patricia / MatildaPiker26_


	9. Chapter 9

_AN sorry fo bein so late with the updates to Wonkers Paradice Sity I am really sorry! but thankfelly the wate is over an now you get to enjoy morof ma story!_

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That evening the stores were almost at the end of their work day but that was of no matter to us because we are so poor we can't buy anything. I came back from school having gotten slightly in trouble but not too much so that I am still a good child and I went. Grandpa Joe was the only grandparent of mine that was not sleeping and my parents were out on a romantic adventure so it was between me and Grandpa Joe.

Grandpa Joe did a "shh" remark to me and I walked over to him laying by his bed. His hand was reaching out to under the bedsheets where it found a wallet and he picked it up and stuff fell out of it. It was mostly old mementos like his workplace (wonk wonk) that is the CHOCOLATE FACTORY but also he had some money saved up for some reason I don't get it old people are weird and the money in front of me (6 pence) was the proof of that.

"This is my secret stash of money that I have been saving ever since I lost my job and I want you to go to the store to buy a Wonker chocolate bar so we have one last stab at finding that golden ticket" Grandpa Joe said to me and I wondered why.

"Why?" I asked.

"No particular reason. Just do it." Grandpa Joe said and I went.

As I was walking to the store I was wondering what Grandpa Joe meant by "just do it". He was probably as excited as I was to see the CHOCOLATE FACTORY and discover Wonker's secrets but that couldn't be the only reason since if he had the secret stash of money he could do anything he wanted so I got to think some more and before I knew it I was already at the store and getting the Wonker CHOCOLATE bar for him.

I looked at the bar and it was great and the only thing that could make it greater was the GOLDEN TICKET that was hopefully inside so I went back to Grandpa Joe and we met and exchanged another hug as we always do and we began to argue who should open the bar to see if the GOLDEN TICKET is inside.

"You should open it" Grandpa Joe motioned to me "because you bought the bar and chocolate is your lifelong passion" he said and I got to think that yes CHOCOLATE is my lifelong passion but that doesn't automatically qualify me for anything and most importantly not for the GOLDEN TICKET that I will definitely not win maybe I don't know that's what I get for thinking way too hard about this.

"No you should open it" I motioned to Grandpa Joe "since a) you paid for the CHOCOLATE bar and b) you were the one who worked for Wonker and this story is about the reunion of you and Wonker so you get to do it" I said and Grandpa Joe realized that neither of us was going to do it and we were at an impasse.

"It's not even about the reunion because the Golden Ticket might not be inside and I might never see Wonker again so you get it" Grandpa Joe said to me and I got sad again because that was the point of the entire tale for me to be disappointed in not finding the GOLDEN TICKET so I got melancholy and began crying but not emo crying because I'm not a goth emo because goth emos haven't been invented yet.

"You're right. This is our only chance and one of us has to do it first because this is your last money and it's not like we can find money laying around anywhere" I said and Grandpa Joe solemnly nodded so we both knew that we had something to do and no will to do it.

If only there was a way for us both to open the CHOCOLATE bar at the same time we both thought as we both held the chocolate bar and we were shocked and it was revealed that we were actually we because we do not hide behind secret identities but maybe Wonker was that is a story for another time so we decided to do it this way.

"You open a little so we can't see the entire thing, okay?" Grandpa Joe said to me so I decided that I can do it but only if Grandpa Joe reveals if the GOLDEN TICKET is inside or not. I thus peeled off a little corner but before I could do anything else I got too excited and had to pause for a minute.

"Look you already did it so I am doing it" Grandpa Joe angrily said and picked up the CHOCOLATE bar away from me and swiped it open and the GOLDEN TICKET... WASN'T inside yet again! Now I had wasted two chocolate bars for nothing and Grandpa Joe had no longer had the money to do anything so I got sad.

"Well I guess that's it" I concluded and began laughing and since laughing is contagious Grandpa Joe began doing it as well. We were both laughing so hard that we didn't notice the outside world anymore and the CHOCOLATE FACTORY and the GOLDEN TICKETS could both go to somewhere else that is not here right now because that is how we roll.

We both laughed so hard that we didn't realize we woke the other grandparents up! Grandma Josephine woke from her sleep and asked "What is so funny?" and we were lucky that she didn't look down on the bed to see the Wonker CHOCOLATE bar and no GOLDEN TICKET so she didn't catch on to what was going on.

"Nothing. Go back to sleep." Grandpa Joe said and with that single sentence, Grandma Josephine fell asleep again. I thus decided to pick up the CHOCOLATE bar to eat it for a later year or something since I still invented that thing where I eat a CHOCOLATE bar for a year, went to my room that I still pretend I have when I don't, went to do my homework for a while, then fell asleep myself.

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_AN so thats it for my return but u kno theres more coming theres always more thats to come time never stops existing! Im Roald Dahl and Im signing off for now!_


End file.
